many of you who know me might describe me as crazy, funny, even goofy and all of these descriptive words would be right. i love to act silly, and i love to make others laugh. seeing people laugh and enjoy themselves gives me so much pleasure!
laughing also allows me to mask my pain in a productive way. i suffer from a disease called ulcerative colitis. there are millions of people who have ulcerative colitis, but unless you know the symptoms of the disease, you wouldn’t even know we were sick. some of my closest family members are just now seeing how much i suffer, and i have had the disease for over 20 years.
Jesus told us “you will have suffering in this world. be courageous! I have conquered the world.”~John 16:33
isn’t God wonderful? God has allowed me to learn so many things from this disease. patience...kindness...humility...love...courage...perseverance..courage...caring...faith...hope...and of course...peace.
i don’t know what will happen to me, but i do know Christ. the more i fellowship in Jesus sufferings, the more i will know Jesus better.
“my goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.”~Philippians 3:10
now don’t get me wrong, i don’t always have upbeat days full of sunshine and rainbows! some days i’m just so sick i pray that God will take me home to Him. i’m not proud of those days, and my goal is to have fewer and fewer of them. i have so much to live for, and honestly i know there are millions of people in this world that would trade places with me in a heart beat. i try to remember that on a daily basis, so that i don’t go off into ‘poor, poor me world’.
all of this being said, let me take you back to december, where in just a few days my life went spinning completely out of control.
luckily for me, sears let me go before my 90 day probation period was up. the job just wasn’t a fit for me, or for them, and i was blessed. even though it didn’t seem like a blessing at the time. i came home and decided to start putting my christmas decorations up, might as well get that done, thank you sears!
The hall entry way...
my snowman collection...
more of my collection of snowmen...
and the rest of my snowman collection!
then i decided that i would offer my services as a home care child provider to all of my young new mother neighbors. the next week i started keeping a beautiful little boy, and had plans on adding a couple of other children to my life soon.
i was tired, and was feeling pretty weak, but i didn’t think twice about it. my cousins from texas called and asked if they could come out and stay with dc and i for a few days, and i was very excited! i began to clean the house up, you know give it a good once over, focusing on some of the details we sometimes overlook. without even thinking, i climbed up on my bathroom counter and began to wipe down the huge mirror above our sinks. i was wearing socks on my feet, and i slipped and fell off the counter onto the bathroom floor, hitting all of the trinkets i had taken off the counters. i fell about 3-4 feet, and landed on my left side. i hurt my shoulder, my ribs, my knee and my ankle. i was hurt. i made it to the couch, and was still on the couch when dc got home that night. the next day i was really sore, but i managed to make dinner for my out of town guests who came in that night.
the very next day, dc was off, so we accompanied our cousins to disney world! i was so tired and sore, i didn’t know how i was going to make it all day, i was taking frequent trips to the restroom, and in the back of my mind i knew my ulcerative colitis was flaring up. i’m a great partner to go just about anywhere with, especially if you need to know where the nearest, cleanest restrooms are! just sayin...on top of feeling sore from the fall, and weak from uc, i started to develop a sinus infection. ever heard of “when it rains, it pours”? well, the hurricane was coming!
the day after my cousins left florida, i decided i had suffered enough with the sinuses, and i got in my car and drove all over looking for a walk in clinic. i even called my mom on the phone crying to her about how sick i was! i finally found a clinic, and a doctor who was just about worthless. i explained to him all my symptoms, my ribs, my sinuses, and i told him that i had uc and i couldn’t take just any antibiotic. doctors hate being told how to dispense their medications, but my life depends on it, so i tell them all. i left the doctor with a prescription in hand, and went straight to the pharmacy and picked it up. i took it as directed and came home and went to bed. for three days i took the medication, but i wasn’t feeling any better, in fact, i was feeling weaker and weaker.
one night after dc got home from work, i drug myself off the couch and got in the shower. i was hoping the shower would give my poor tired body some relief, but that wasn’t to be. in the middle of my shower, i got really hot, and felt like i was going to pass out. i got out of the shower, completely soaked, and laid down on the floor of my bedroom, wrapped in a towel. i saw my dad, and actually talked to him. (my dad passed away in 2006) i heard my dad say to me that i was going to be ok. i saw him, and i talked to him. i told dc i thought i should go to the emergency room, then i asked him to call my mom. when my mom got on the phone, i begged her to come to my house and help me. i told her that i was really, really sick. when mom got to the house, i was still lying on the floor. she helped me dry off and get dressed, i was in a complete anxiety/panic attack. i didn’t trust dc, and begged my mom not to leave my side. mom and dc got me in bed, with a sleeping pill, and i slept soundly all night.
the next morning when i got up, dc had gone to work, and my mom made me some breakfast. i was so sore, and so sick. mom thought I should call my colon doctor. i called him and he suggested i go to the emergency room immediately. so, i packed a bag and away we went.
when we got to the emergency room, the triage nurse took one look at me and called another nurse telling him to get a gurney, that i needed to be evaluated immediately. as soon as i got in an e.r. room they immediately took a blood sample. they quickly tested my blood and came back with news that my potassium was too low. it was supposed to be at least a 3, and because i have ulcerative colitis, my level should be a 4. they didn't give me my exact number, but they told me my level was under a 2. they gave me potassium by mouth in the e.r. (yuck!) then sent me up to a room immediately. when i got to my room and in bed, they put an i.v. in my arm and gave me more potassium by i.v. they also started giving me glucose and 2 different types of antibiotics. then they came in and gave me more potassium by mouth. the nurse told me that potassium makes your muscles work. she said my level explained why i couldn't finish my shower the night before, and why i had trouble walking, and why i was sleeping so much. she said i was very lucky since our hearts are our largest muscles that my heart didn't just stop beating!
potassium in an i.v. is very painful to take! while they were giving me potassium through my i.v., i continued to have to take it by mouth as well. they were having trouble getting my level to come up, because my ulcerative colitis was active, the potassium they were giving me was going straight through me. i had to stay in the hospital for about 5 days, my blood vein with the i.v. in it collapsed, and they had to move it! ouchie!
my kids came to see me at the hospital for christmas, i barely remember them at all. my mom stayed with me every night, but one, and that night i fell while trying to go to the restroom by myself. i can’t tell you how weak i was!
finally the antibiotics got my ulcerative colitis under control, and they told me that they had done everything for me that they could possibly do. they sent me home and told me to follow up with my colon doctor in the next couple of days.
as soon as i saw dr. hilal, he couldn't believe how sick i had become. he put me on prednisone immediately, and then ordered a new treatment to start as soon as my insurance would approve it. visiting nurses will come and give me injections, depending on my doctors plan. the new treatment is my next defense in keeping my uc in remission. the side effects of the medication are very dangerous, but my doctor feels we need to advance my treatment at this point. dr. hilal also told me to get an ace bandage and wrap my ribs. it felt soooo much better after wrapping them!
so, that's what happened the month of december. i missed christmas, my kids, and almost the rest of my life! sometimes there seems to be no rest for the weary, and the week after i got home from the hospital, my defibrillator started vibrating, letting me know that the battery needs to be changed! it was a friday, and between friday and sunday my defibrillator vibrated 11 times! i went and had it tested at the pacemaker clinic, and they told me that they would call me to schedule the surgery for a battery replacement. sooooooo....on Thursday, January 27th at 9:30 a.m. i will be at florida south hospital to have my battery replaced. if things go as planned, and the Lord willing, i'll be able to come home that evening!
God has a plan for me, and i am leaning on him for my support. i know everything, no matter how it turns out, i will be ok. there are so many people who have it so much worse than i do.
i pray by sharing my story, someone else will be encouraged. i pray that i can stay upbeat and positive, i pray for all the other uc patients who have things a lot worse than i do. i pray for all the people who are suffering from all kinds of horrible illnesses, even worse than uc.
i live day to day, never knowing what the day will bring. i had no idea december would turn out like it did, i just try to focus on the positive. i am happy with anything that i can get accomplished. i try hard not to beat myself up when i can’t get something done that needs to be done, i take one day at a time. i lean on Jesus for my strength when i don’t have one ounce of it left. i try to laugh heartily everyday, laughing is medicine for the soul! i get on fb and read what my friends and family are going through, and i count myself blessed. i post crazy things hoping my friends and family will laugh with me. your laughter is healing for me.
my new years resolution is to communicate by note writing more often. i believe the personal written notes are going by the wayside with all of our busy lives, and i would love to bring them back. if you would like a hand written note from me, please email me your address, don’t feel selfish about it, realize that you are helping me keep a positive attitude, and making me feel needed. so go ahead and send me that snail mail address of yours!
please share my blog site with others, i’m really trying to get it off the ground, so that it can help other people. if nothing else, i’m always good for a daily joke! here’s my favorite “Two peanuts walk into a bar, one is a-salted!” Awwww, so cute, huh?
before i close, i want to dedicate this blog entry to two people, the first:
DC: dc is the best husband in the world. he has been patient, kind and understanding of how sick i have been. i don't know what i would do without him. i can’t even list all the ways he takes care of me. he is the absolute love of my life. i thank the keeper of the stars for bringing us together, dc is so full of love and the spirit of God, i am a very lucky girl!
the other person who deserves this dedication is my mom:
Mom: my mom is the most unselfish, servant of God i have ever met in my life. she is always by my side when i need her. we are best girlfriends. i have never met a more dedicated servant of God. i am twice lucky for having her as my mom.
dc and mom are both so full of love, and the spirit of God. i am a very lucky girl. i never take them for granted, and i thank God daily for them. God is good all of the time!
i am also very lucky to have so many kind family and friends who pray for me. thank you all for your support, prayers and encouraging thoughts, they mean so much to me. *smiles* *hugs* *love* to you all.
bee courageous,
deb
