"Are you ready, baby?" I loudly call to DC while I finish brushing my hair. "Waiting on you, Baby." He calls back, reaching into the pups treat jar so he'll be able to give Samijo and Jesijo a treat as we walk out the door. I meet him at the garage door and hesitate. "What?" DC wonders half to himself, but actually questions out loud. "I'm trying to decide if I should go to the rest room, or if I can wait." I say with no conviction. "Up to you." DC says, walking back to the couch, knowing we have another 20 minutes or more before we can leave the house. "Sorry, DC, I yell from the guest restroom, which is the closest restroom to the door." "Don't worry, baby, do what you have to do." And so it goes, every single time we leave the house.
This is the beginning of a series of posts about my everyday life. I live with a disease that completely controls my physical life, but I will not let it control my mind and soul. My hope in writing these posts, is to help someone. If only one person is helped, my time will have been well spent. Ulcerative Colitis is difficult to talk about because of the sensitive area that it affects. I hope I can be candid enough to help, but not give TMI. Please know that if you want to know more than I give, I will gladly talk via email to you personally.
I am lucky enough to be in remission at the present time, but at ANY moment that can change. At any given moment, two things are possible, 1) I can come out of remission, 2) I can have what is called a "flare-up". Most of the time there is absolutely no warning when this happens. It just happens. When I go to bed at night, I do not know what the night, or the next day will bring. Many times I begin to cramp in the middle of the night, and spend up to 2-3 hours in the restroom. The best thing I can compare the cramping to is hard labor during childbirth, in fact, I use the breathing techniques I learned in my Lamaze classes. During this "labor" my stomach is in a constant cramp, my body sweats, and I get sick to my stomach. I have spent 3 hours at a time, many nights, and during the day as well, sitting on the toilet trying/or having bowel movements. The bowel movements are yucky, bloody, mucus filled watery waste. There is tons of gas, between the bowel movements. The bowel movements are traumatic, and extremely tiresome. Besides the painful cramping, the worst part is the dehydration that the bowel movements cause.
You may think that no one dies from dehydration in these modern times of medical miracles. False. In 2004, I became severely dehydrated and did not recognize the signs. I was hospitalized for 10 days, the doctor telling me that I was about 48 hours from death, had I not gone to the emergency room. I was lethargic, coveting the moments I was able to lay in bed, between bowel movements. I remember praying to God, that I would just go to sleep and not wake up. I was in so much pain, and too tired to do anything for myself. The hospital staff worked for 3-6 hours getting an I.V. into my veins, just to have the vein collapse hours later. They had to continue to find other veins the first few days in the hospital, as they all collapsed after a few hours. The doctor ordered an I.V. of antibiotics. The antibiotic was called Cipro, and it was incredibly painful dripping into my vein, so painful, that it was impossible to sleep, yet I was exhausted. Ten days I suffered in the hospital, wanting God to just take me home with Him.
But God had a different plan for me, and I am still here. I feel like part of His plan for me is to tell others how I suffered, how I often suffer still, so that somehow, I can help someone. I can be silent no longer, I have to educate others to what I have experienced, especially if someone can be blessed in some way. I believe this is the way that God works. We all have a purpose, maybe even more than one purpose. We go through troublesome times, and wonder why? Well, maybe it's not about us (ME), but about the one that we can help. Maybe that's why we suffer the things that we suffer. I feel like my suffering is in vein, if I do not share it with others. Maybe I can give someone a little bit of hope?
As most of you know, I recently began a new job. I have met some co-workers the past 3 weeks that have made me grateful for the blessings of health that I have. Truly, amazing. Thank you God for the good health that I have and so often take for granted, you are truly the one and only True God!
Bee forever grateful,
deb
